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Author: l.crawford.law@gmail.com

Can husbands be right about parenting?

Can husbands be right about parenting?

I took my son to the YMCA yesterday.  We have a membership there which will forever be in the budget because at $70 a month, it includes two hours a day of free child care, and James loves it because it’s stuffed with building toys like train tracks, giant blocks, and a big puzzle mat.  I’ll admit that I sometimes drop James off at the Kid’s Club and sit in the lobby for an hour drinking the free coffee and relaxing.  Hey, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do, right?

Most of the time, or at least half the time, I actually workout while James is in the Kid’s Club and then we go in the family pool together before we head home.  Yesterday there was a dad in the pool with his eighteen month old daughter.  Unlike most of us modern day parents, this guys was not hovering over his little girl like she was doomed to slip and fall and gasp her last living breath at any moment.  He stayed a safe but reasonable distance from his daughter and when we she was attempting to do something a little past her ability he said, “Be careful princess.  Your might bonk your head if you try that.”  The little girl wanted to step  off the edge of the pool into the water.  It was only a few inches deep, but the step down was big for her and there was a slide right in front of her that she could have fallen and bumped her head on.  The dad didn’t move to stop her.  He simply repeated his warning that she might fall and bonk her head.  The little girl looked at her dad, looked at the step, and went for it.  Much to her dad’s surprise, and mine, she made the step gracefully.  She looked back up at her dad and smiled.  If she knew the words, she would have said, “told you I could do it, dad!”  Her dad smiled at her and said, “my little daredevil.”  The little girl was clearly pleased with herself.

My husband has a similar hands off approach with our son, and it drives me insane!  I’m always nagging him to pay closer attention to our son because I’m worried he’s going to get hurt (my son, not my husband).  My middle school English teacher would cringe at that unclear pronoun reference.  Sorry, Nancy.  My husband, in return, always says that kids won’t take as many risks if they know you’re not right there waiting to catch them.  We have argued about this for two and a half years but I think I’m ready to concede. I mean, I’m not saying I was wrong.  That’s just crazy talk.  I’m just saying that my husband’s theory might not have been entirely ludicrous.  In fact, looking back, our son has had his two most serious injuries when he was under my care.  So… I guess maybe it’s true.  Maybe you have to let your kids learn their own limits even it means scraped up knees, elbows, and faces.  Maybe that’s why kids are made so resilient; why their bones bend instead of break, why their cuts heal over night, and why a kiss can heal almost any boo boo.  Maybe my husband isn’t entirely ridiculous.  But you know what, I hate when my husband is right about parenting things.  I hate it.  I’m the mom.  I’ve spent 2 1/2 years with the kid, scouring the internet and reading parenting books trying to figure out why he won’t eat, won’t sleep, won’t listen, won’t brush his teeth, and won’t stop throwing his food!  I  should get to be right!  I tried harder!

I realize there is a more mature and enlightened way of looking at this situation but I hate being wrong about things.  I’m thinking I’ll just pretend that my husband hasn’t been doing this all along and that this “new” minimalist parenting concept was a result of my recent infatuation with the living simplly.  There, I feel better.  So, to answer the question, “no, husband’s cannot be right about parenting.”

Minimalist living.

Minimalist living.

Right now we’re renting an apartment in Cherry Creek, CO.  It has been great living within walking distance of my mom and we will take full advantage of that for the next four and a half months.  But when our lease is up, it will be time to move on and find a simpler, more affordable, living arrangement.  So, in preparation, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we want to live.  Where we live will depend a lot on how our job situation plays out in the next four months, but how we live is entirely up to us.  I’ve been reading a lot about minimalist living and parenting styles and it’s pretty intriguing.  The basic is idea is that less is more.  If we live with only what we need, we can free up space in our home, in our lives, and in our hearts and minds.  Okay, that’s a little cheesy but I like it.  And I think it might be true.  I just spent thirty minutes putting things away in our 900 square foot apartment.  Thirty minutes just to put away all the stuff we took out in the last twenty four hours since the last time I put it all away.  As I was picking it up, I had a sudden urge to just throw it all away.  How much stuff do three people need?  How many plastic toys does a two year old need?

That got me thinking, what do we really need?  In our family, we tend to have a lot of sporting equipment because we like to bike, run, swim, ski, box, sled, etc…  But how many hobbies does one person need?  Personally I enjoy, sewing, knitting, playing guitar, running, biking, reading, watching movies, blogging, cooking, baking, and doing craft projects.  And that doesn’t even include time with my family.  If I enjoyed one of my hobbies each day, it would take me two weeks to get through the list.  A person can only do so much.  That’s the point of minimalism.  Pick the things that are most important to you and cut everything else out.  That way you have the time and the space to enjoy the things that really matter.  Simplify.  Simplify your home.  Simplify your mind.  Simplify your life.  You don’t have to get swept away in the whirlwind of the 21st of the century.  You can live how you want to live.  We all design our own lives, so why not design one that brings you some peace and contentment?

Do you think you would be more peaceful and content living in this space?

Or in this space?

I’d take the latter, even thought there’s probably $10,000 worth of stuff in the first picture.

As Americans we tend to have a lot of stuff.  And then we buy big houses so we can store all of our stuff.  But, who wants to spend all their time organizing and reorganizing all that STUFF?  And what about all the new stuff that we keep buying because we’re too busy to stop and make rational decisions about what we buy?  What if we just stop buying stuff and stick to only what we actually need?  Wouldn’t that be a lot easier?

 

The busy boycott.

The busy boycott.

Do you ever have moments where everything seems to come together?  Have you ever noticed when those moments happen?  For me, they happen when I step back and allow them to happen.  When I take a break from the craziness that we call a life.  When I take the time to reflect on who I am and what I want to do with the short time I have here on earth.  And as my thirties race by, I’m starting to realize just how quickly the rest of my days are going to fly by.  This morning I took a few minutes to browse other blogs that promote the “simple life” and I came across this video.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  By the time I got to the end of the video, I literally sighed a sigh of relief.  The funny thing is, my sister and brother in law told me pretty much the exact same thing just the other day.  They said, “Lauren, relax.  You’ve done a lot in the last five years.  Just give yourself a break.  You’ve done enough.”  If I wasn’t such a hardass, I probably would have cried because I always feel like I’m not doing enough.  Like being a mom isn’t enough.  We live in a society where there is so much pressure.  Where you feel like nothing you do is ever going to be enough.  But it is.  No one can live up to the expectations that we have created.  No one.  So, if you feel like you’re not doing enough, not making enough money, not busy enough.  Just stop.  It’s enough.

Probably most of you won’t take the twelve minutes to watch this video because you’re too busy.  But what kind of life do we have if we can’t spare 12 minutes?  This is how I want to feel.  This lady’s voice is so calming because she’s so at peace with who she is and what she believes in.  In starting this blog, I’ve struggled to put into words exactly what I’m searching for, but this is pretty much it.  If you can spare the 12 minutes, watch it.

I want to boycott busy.  It’s exhausting and I know it’s effecting my health.  I never had acne as a kid but starting in my early twenties when life started to get confusing and stressful, it started.  I’ve also had painful stomach problems at various times during my life that I’m sure were just a manifestation of the stress I was feeling.  I talk to people all the time who have undiagnosed, lingering health problems and I would be willing to bet that stress is the underlying cause of most of those problems.  The two months I spent in Costa Rica were the only two months of my adult life that I have been acne free.  I don’t think that’s a coincidence.  Although I think the salt water helped too.  I really like the idea of measuring my self-worth by the way I treat other people.  I want to have the energy and clarity to engage in meaningful conversations with my son about dinosaurs.  I want to take more of an interest in my husband’s hobbies and career goals.  I want to spend a day helping my sister and brother-in-law fix up their new house.  I want to cook my mom lunch.  I want to have time for the people who matter the most to me.  I want to feel relaxed at least most of the time.  Is anyone else tired of being busy?

Free entertainment for a 2 year old.

Free entertainment for a 2 year old.

Sometimes it can be challenging to keep a two year old entertained, especially mine.  James needs a lot of variety in his life to keep him from getting bored.  He likes to see different people, go different places, play with different toys, and eat different foods.  I hear about so many kids who just want to eat chicken nuggets every night.  Not mine.  He’ll eat them twice and then he’s done.  He tells me, “I’m sick for ticken wuggets!”  I’m like, “Great, you ate 6 of the 30 pack we just bought!”  These days, for the most part, he just eats what we eat, and if he doesn’t like it, he can have some graham crackers before bed.  But, I’m way off track already.  Point being he doesn’t want to walk to the same three parks in our neighborhood over and over again.  So, we try to plan outings for him pretty much every day.  These are a few of the things he enjoys…

  1. Libraries.  I barely even knew what the inside of a library looked like before I had a kid.  Now I go there at least once a week.  There’s generally a play area with lots of toddler toys and a few other kids to play with.  The toys may not be anything spectacular but they are different from his toys at home and that’s all that really matters.  Plus, we don’t buy him books anymore.  He only wants to read a book a few times and then he’s “sick for it”, so we take out 10 or 12 books and trade them in every week or so.  I swear we’ve read half of the children’s collection at the Cherry Creek Library!  We’ve read every single book about construction sites and trains.  And, they have paper books for adults.  Who even knew they still made those?  And it’s all free!
  2. Free museums.  There’s a free museum in Littleton, CO that has an 1860s farm, like a working farm with all the animals.  It’s like a free zoo, and no one ever goes there.  I’ve never seen it crowded.  In the winter, we’re often the only ones there.
  3. National parks.  In Colorado, we’re lucky enough to have great open space parks.  One we really like is the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National Wildlife Refuge.  They have buffalo!  You can drive through and check out the buffalo through the window (you’re not allowed to get out of the car and hangout with them.)  But they also have a couple nice lakes with trails around them where you can walk around, and a little sandy beach.  Bring some food and a pail and shovel, and you’ve got yourself a nice little morning.  The best part is that it’s close by, at least for us.  It’s in Denver.  There’s big ‘ol buffalo open space park right in the middle of the city.
  4. Visiting family.  We are lucky  enough to have my mom just a few blocks away.  If James is bored at home, I often just head to my mom’s.  She has a different set of toys for him over there, and James LOVES his “mimi” so that in itself is a treat.  I can make myself a cup  of tea and relax for a few minutes while James’ grandma spoils him rotten.  I also have a sister who lives about an hour from us, right outside of Evergreen.  Elk Meadow Park is another national park that’s right off the highway, about half way to my sister’s house, so we can stop and take a short hike on the way up.  Last time we even saw a whole heard of elk!
  5. Play dates.  Every mom knows this, but kids are often easier in groups.  Bring your own kid to the playground, and he wants you to go down the slide behind him, EVERY SINGLE TIME.  But, bring him to the park with three little friends and you can sit back and watch them play for an hour.  Plus, I normally can’t my kid to sit still for three minutes to eat a meal, but stick  him at a table with two other toddlers and he sits politely and chats while he eats his sandwich.  It’s amazing!
  6. Rivers.  Our son loves to throw rocks in the river.  He’ll do it for hours.  Especially in the summer when he can take his shoes off and wade into the water.  Kids just love nature.  They love throwing rocks, banging big sticks together, running, climbing, jumping, whatever.  It’s just so much easier to entertain a kid out in the wilderness.  Try  it.  You don’t have to strap on a pack and hike 6 miles carrying your kid on your back.  Just let him take his time and spend an hour walking a half mile.
  7. Night hikes.  My lovely and creative sister came up with this idea.  In the winter when it gets dark early, it can be tough to entertain your kid in the house for four hours after it gets dark.  So don’t!  Get bundled up, bring a flashlight and go on an exciting night hike.  My son says there are dinosaurs chasing us and we have to hide.  I’m still not sure if he has a really great imagination or if he really sees dinosaurs.  Either way, it’s pretty fun.
    Not sure why, but he insisted on wearing the necklace.
  8. The Strider Bike.  Okay, so the bike itself wasn’t free but your kid can ride it from age 18 months until 3 or 4 years so the $80 seems pretty reasonable.  Plus, they’re tiny so you can take them anywhere.  My son likes to ride his in the skate park, which is terrifying for me but he loves it!  Just get a good helmet, and maybe full dirt bike armor if you can find it small enough.
  9. Water parks.  Lots of parks are starting to put in water features so the kids can run around and get sprayed by the fountains.  And its free.  Just head to the park and bring an extra set of clothes.
  10. Baking.  Okay, so this isn’t an outing.  But I wanted an even 10 and sometimes you just want to stay home for an afternoon!  My son loves to help make banana bread, cookies, pumpkin bread, cupcakes, etc…  He’ll sit on the counter and happily stir while I add all the ingredients.  He especially likes to “test” the batter.  “I’m just going to have one more teeny bite, mommy.  Just a teeny tiny bite.”

I just realized that I made it sound like I was the smart one who came up with all of these outings but I have to give credit where credit is due.  My husband is really good at coming up with places to take our son.  He usually finds them and then I steal his idea and take our son there every week until he’s “sick for it.”  The baking one is all me, though!

Another week of meals.

Another week of meals.

So,

This post is going to be about how to eat for $180 a week.  Why?  Because that’s what it came out to this week and I was too tired to go back through the meals and find places to save money.  Plus, we are going to have Paleomg crockpot carne asada which calls for 1.5 lbs of flank steak which costs about $10 per lb. which is more than double what I usually pay for meat.  But it’s going to be soooo good.  Plus, we’ve been eating A LOT of pork because it’s really cheap and easy to cook but I got a little sick of it so, besides the breakfast sausage, no pork this week!  Hence, the $180 splurge.  In all honesty, I also bought a $3 Starbucks coffee this morning so apparently we’re just living like kings these days!  But in all seriousness, that coffee was the first drink or food item I’ve bought outside of the grocery budget in two weeks.  And while it was good, Starbucks coffee is WAY too strong for me so I’ve been super jittery all morning.  Good for blogging though, as long as you don’t mind the totally unorganized, random stream of consciousness style that my blogging takes on when I’m over caffeinated.  P.S.  I  have a brother in law who can cover seven topics of conversation in one very long sentence.  I sometimes wonder if when he was in school, he wrote his essays as one long, five page sentence.  That would make an English teacher cringe.  But so would my writing today.

Anyway, this is the meal plan…

 

Meal Plan 3
   
Dinners Shopping List
Salmon w/ cranberry brusselsprouts  2 lbs chicken breasts
Chicken fajita gallo pinto w/ salad fajita seasoning
Chicken fajitas w/ tortillas & salad 2 cups brown rice
Joe’s Special w/ sweet potato 2 cans black beans
Shrimp fajita w/ gallo pinto & salad 1 tub fresh hatch chili salsa
PaleOMG crockpot carne asada w/ guac cilantro
Leftovers 3 onions
1 red pepper
Lunches 1 package mixed greens
Grilled ham & cheese w/ fruit 1 pkg dark chocolate chips
Chef’s salad 1 cucumber
Ham & cheese wrap 2 green peppers
Leftover Joe’s Special salad dressing
Leftover Carne Asada 2 packages tortillas
Yogurt w/ granola 1/2 large block cheddar cheese
Tortilla pizza w/ ham, onion & green pepper 3 limes
1 bag shrimp
Breakfasts 1 lb ground beef
Egg, ham & spinach scramble 5 eggs
Protein Shake w/ whole grain toast 1 bag spinach
Peautbutter Toast w/ fruit 5 sweet potatoes
Sausage, eggs, and toast 3 salmon filets
Yogurt w granola 1/2 lb brussel sprouts
Oatmeal w/ blueberries 1 large bag cranberries
Protein Shake w/ whole grain toast 1.5 lbs flank steak
6 cloves garlic
Snacks cumin
Pumkin muffins chili powder
Banana muffins (leftover from last week) paprika
Dried cranberries 1 bag cuties oranges
Fruit 4 1/3 cup ckicken broth
Carrot Sticks 2 avocados
1/2 lb sliced ham
Drinks 1/2 lb sliced turkey
Coffee block of cheddar cheese
Lactose Free Milk 2 loaves whole grain bread
Almond Milk 7 apples
Juice pens
yogurt
granola
7 bananas
3 pkgs blueberries
1.5 lbs red grapes
toilet paper
pancake mix
2 cans pumpkin pure
pumpkin pie spice
whole wheat flour
other basic baking supplies
Lactose Free Milk X2
Almond Milk
1 gallon juice
Quick Cooking Oats

 

Remember, you’d spend a lot more if you bought everything on the list, but I go  through and cross off the things I don’t need.

Why won’t my child nap?!?!  This is day two of his current nap strike.  He goes on a napping strike about once every four to six weeks.  It totally throws me off my game.  When am I supposed to get dinner prepped?  Fold the laundry?  Play on my new blog?  Have you ever heard the saying, “a woman’s work is never done.”  Well, it’s true!  By the time everyone is fed, the kitchen is cleaned up, the laundry is done and folded, the house is vacuumed and swept, the groceries are bought and put away, the dog is fed, watered and walked, and the child is put down for his non-existent nap, it’s pretty much time to start over again.  Would my husband help if I asked, yes probably.  But I don’t like the way he does the housework.  And I don’t even have a dog.  I made that part up.  Ever have that problem?  I mean with the wanting help, not with the making up of tall tales.  You know, you want help but you want it done your way?  Me neither.  I was just checking.  But if you have had that problem, maybe some of my thousands of loyal readers would like to know how you solve said problem.  If you feel like sharing some words of wisdom.

Impulse buying.

Impulse buying.

I just read this great post called 10 Frugal Tips for Simple Living and the author made a lot of great suggestions but the one I liked the most was about impulse buying.  For me, controlling impulse buying has been a natural side effect of tracking my spending and creating a budget.  I didn’t really even realize that I made a lot of impulse purchases until I stopped.  Have you ever walked out of Target $200 poorer and wondered to yourself, “What did I just buy?”  If you’re trying to live cheap, don’t ever go to Target, but that’s another rant.

Before I started really tracking our expenses closely, I made purchasing decisions kind of like this…

“Hmm… That looks cool/yummy/pretty/other appropriate adjective.  How much is it?  That sounds somewhat reasonable.  Toss it in the cart!”

After tracking my expenses, setting some goals, and putting some real time and thought into my spending, my purchasing decisions look more like this…

“Hmm…  That looks cool/yummy/pretty/other appropriate adjective.  Do I really need it?  Nope.  Do I even want it?  Not really.  It costs how much?  That’s a whole day’s worth of food for my family!  Who would buy that!?!?”

When you stop to think about it, it’s kind of scary how much stuff we buy that we don’t need at all.  And with so much stuff, we need bigger houses, and houses are expensive so then we have to work more.  It’s a vicious cycle.  But you don’t have to play that game if you don’t want to.  At least I don’t think you do.  I’m only a couple of weeks into my life transformation so I don’t want to get too cocky just yet.  But so far, I really like it!  Knowing that I don’t have to buy anything except the necessities is actually very calming.  Shopping is just one less thing to think about.  One step closer the simple life for which I long.  Wow.  I’m getting really profound.  I’ll just stop there.

Serenity prayer not just for alcoholics.

Serenity prayer not just for alcoholics.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This is perhaps the most intelligent sentence ever written.  If you have no other form of guidance in your life, at least remind yourself of the serenity prayer once a day.  It’s especially great if you tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and tend to criticize those who don’t live up to your perfect expectations.  I’m not saying that’s me.  I’m just saying, if you happen to have that particular personality trait, you might find this quote useful.

Like for instance, if you are striving to create a better life for your family and decide to dedicate yourself to living simply and cutting down on spending, and you work really hard to put together meal plans each week and feed the whole family on $150 a week, and your husband shows no appreciation or enthusiasm whatsoever and complains that there’s not enough to eat even though the fridge is stocked full of food…  If you had something like that going on in your life, you might want to write out this serenity prayer and stick it on your fridge or something.  Because you can control the things you buy.  You can control the food you make.  You can control the food your child eats, to some degree.  But, you can’t make your husband get excited about the new simple eating plan.  So, you just do what you can do, and let the rest go.  That’s really all you can do.  So, if you run into a problem like that in your life, you can use this prayer.  That’s all I’m saying.

Eating for $150 a week.

Eating for $150 a week.

So…

We started our $150 a week meal plan and we haven’t quite managed to stay under $150 but we’re close and we have cut way down on our grocery bills.  It’s amazing how much you can save just by being organized and planning a week of meals in advance.  One reason why we’ve been coming in slightly over budget is milk.  Both my son and my husband are lactose intolerant and I like to buy organic milk because I don’t want my son to drink any weird hormones.  Because I’m convinced that I started my period at age 11 due to the enormous amount of hormone infested milk that I drank as a kid (sorry if that’s TMI!)  Wow.  I’m such a cool blogger now.  I can use abbreviations like TMI and OMG and BFF.  Yeah, that’s all I got.  Maybe I’m not as cool as I thought.  Anyway, organic, lactose free whole milk only comes in a half gallon size and it aint cheap.  Not to mention, my husband drinks more milk than a baby calf.  Like a gallon and a half to two gallons a week!  He’s one of those guys who drinks whole milk like it’s water and wolfs down plates of pasta and bread and just can’t seem to gain an ounce to save his life.  Oh, waah, Caleb.  Oh, freakin, waah!

Anyway, I plan to work on making our meals a little healthier but it’s tough to please both my husband and I because we have very different dietary needs.  But, here’s what I do.  On Saturday night, I plan out all the meals we are going to eat; breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks (I know, I need a life.  But I’m super dorky and I live for this stuff).  So, then I write down all the ingredients I would need to make all of those meals.  Then I go through the kitchen and cross off things we already have.  Last but not least, I go online and order all the groceries on ClickList, through King Soopers.  Then, on Sunday, either my husband or I drive to King Soopers and they load all of our groceries into the car for us, swipe our credit card, and we’re off. If you’ve never used ClickList, you haven’t lived!  Seriously, such a simple idea but simply genius.  ClickList is the greatest invention ever because it allows even a man to pick up the groceries without forgetting anything or making any ridiculous substitutions.  Ever sent your husband to the grocery store for orange juice and had him come back with donuts and Tang?  Or send him out for cheddar cheese and have him hand you an aerosol can full of mysterious orange goo?

Image result for angry mom image

Never again.  He doesn’t even get to go inside!

So, here is what my meal plan looks like.  Keep in mind, I didn’t buy nearly all of these ingredients because I make a lot of the same things every week so I already had a lot of the ingredients.  But that’s the key to saving money.  Use the leftover groceries from last week in this weeks meals.  Here you go…

Meal Plan 2
   
Dinners Grocery List
Pork chops w/ sweet potato hash & salad 6  small Pork Chops
Broiled chicken thighs w/ rice and broccolli 5 large sweet potatos
Paleo pizza pie (from paleomg) 2 onions
Gallo Pint w/ Sausage 1 tub mixed greens
Pasta w/ meat sauce & sald 1 cucumber
Salmon w/ sweet potato fries & carrots 8 gala apples
Leftovers &or pita pizzas 1 small bag brown rice
1 crown broccoli
Lunches 8 chicken thighs w/ skin and bone
1 green pepper
Salomi pita sandwiches w/ fruit 1 red pepper
Leftover paleo pizza 2 cans black beans
Leftover gallo pinto w/ sausage 1 tub fresh salsa
Yogurt w/ granola & fruit 1 lb italian sausage
Pita Pizzas 1 lb ground beef
Leftover sweet potato hash w/ sausage 1 bag whole wheat pasta
Salomi pita sandwiches w/ fruit 1 jar of pasta sauce
3 salmon filets
Breakfasts 1 2lb bag of carrots
1 bag of celery
Sweet potato hash w/ eggs 1 pag of pita bread
sausage w/ peanutbutter & toast 1/2 lb of sliced salomi
Oatmeal w/ berries 1 spachetti squash
Eggs w salomi & spinach 1 can tomato sauce
Protein shakes w/ toast 1 package breakfast sausage
Yogurt w/ fruit and granola 24 eggs
Protein shake w/ peanutbutter toast 2 packages blueberries
1 package strawberries
Snacks 10 bananas
2 bags cuties oranges
2 loaves of pumpkin bread 1 container plain yogurt
Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies pumpkin seeds (in bulk)
Ants on a log 1 package quick cooking oats
Crackers and cheese 1 bag of fresh spinach
Dried cranberries 2 cans pumpkin pure
Apples 1 bag dark chocolate chips
Oranges 1 jar peanutbutter
Kashi cereal bars Dried cranberries (bulk)
Kids Cliff Z Bars Whole wheat flour
pumpkin pie spice
Drinks coconut oil
baking soda
4 half gallons lactose free milk baking powder
3 half gallons of juice vanilla
butter
3 half gallons of juice
4 half gallons lactose free milk

To buy everything I needed for these meals came in at a whopping $159.62.  That didn’t include the milk and juice but it did include $20 worth of diapers so it was wasn’t actually that far off.  I think we came in right around $165.  And since my husband has rekindled his love for swimming and I’m now feeding Michael Phelps, I think that’s pretty good.

All of you paleoers and south beach dieters and just general health conscious human beings probably don’t think this looks like the healthiest of meal plans but what can I say, I’m a work in progress.  Healthier meal plans to come!

A dignified low income class for America.

A dignified low income class for America.

We are beginning our journey to a simpler life.  I’m making some changes.  Look out!

I took a look at my finances to see what we’re spending and this is what January looked like…

JANUARY SPENDING
   
Category Amount
Gym Membership $74
Wine $11
Amazon Orders $56.96
Car Insurance $114.78
Child Care $446
Eating Out $111.76
Gas $30.48
Gifts $127.19
Groceries $983.60
Internet $35
Parking $10
Rent & Utilities $1,858
Uber $33.54
Total $3,89

This is what it costs for us to exist in our daily routine.  No special trips, no major meals out.  No date nights.  And we’re on our parent’s cell phone plans (shh… don’t tell anyone.)  Some of you, if anyone ever find my obscure blog and actually reads it, are probably thinking that’s pretty cheap, but is it really?  $4,000 a month just to exist?  Plus, our kid may want to attend college some day, we may want to retire some day, and occasionally we may even want to take a vacation.  Our rent is a ridiculous $1800 a month.  Yes, we live in Denver and it’s expensive but there has to be a better option.  Also, we spend at least $800 and sometimes upwards of $1000 at the grocery store each month, plus we eat a meal out once or twice a week.  Who do we think we are?  The Trump family?  Ha. No!  If they gave me every penny they owned, I wouldn’t take it!  In other countries people feed an entire family for less than $3 a day. We spend nearly $50, and I consider us pretty frugal.

Fortunately, we do have some cash saved and we are looking at buying a house.  Unfortunately the real estate market in Denver in INSANE.  Like, houses stay on the market only for about 11 minutes.  By the time you make an appointment to see a house and actually drive there, it’s under contract because someone else put in an offer site unseen.  Craziness!  Anyway, we could use the money for a down payment on an overpriced house in Denver and work all day and night at jobs we hate to pay the mortgage, or, we could move out of the city a little ways and try to find a place that we can comfortably afford.  Plus, if I succeed at simplifying our life, and I will because I’m persistent to a fault and I won’t give up even if my husband cries, begs, and pleads, we really shouldn’t need much space.  Right?  We do, however, want to live somewhere safe and somewhere where we can find a sense of community.  I think that will be the hard part.

Our country doesn’t really seem to have a class of happy, lower income families.  When we were in Costa Rica, I saw kids in school uniforms happily skipping out of houses with dirt floors and no windows and walking down the street to school arm in arm with their siblings, singing songs and laughing.  They had less money then we can possibly imagine, but they seemed happy.  In countries where the majority of the population is poor, it’s not such a tragedy.  It’s just a way of life.  You make sure everyone is fed and clothed and that’s enough to be happy.  Here, it seems that poverty is almost always associated with crime, hunger, dysfunctional families, and drugs.  Are there people in our country that live without the extras but maintain their dignity, pride, and happiness?

I mean, what if every outfit isn’t a fashion statement?  What if I wear my clothes until they actually wear out?  When was the last time you actually wore out an article of clothing?  Like, the clothing actually had holes in it.  And I’m not talking about your favorite hoodie that you wear only in your own kitchen.  When I show up at the gym in 2 year old sweatpants and no makeup, people look at me funny.  What is going to happen if I just stop buying new clothes until I need them?

I don’t tend to buy a lot of street clothes, but I feel obligated to own some minimally fashionable clothes just so I can go to dinner with friends or attend the occasional concert.  I will admit, though, that I spend way too much money on workout clothes.  Do I need $80 running tights?  Three pairs?  Do I need six winter coats in varying degrees of warmth?  Probably not.  That’s it.  I don’t care what the world thinks.  No more clothes!  I can survive for a very long time on the closet and dresser full of clothes in my bedroom.  Plus, I’d rather focus on my health and look great in anything than buy expensive clothes to cover up the parts of me I don’t like.

Obviously, there are lots ways we can save money and live simpler but, one thing at a time, right?  First, I am going to change our food budget.  I think we should be able to feed ourselves hearty, healthy meals for $150 a week.  I picked that number sort of arbitrarily, or rather completely arbitrarily, but I’m going to try it.  That’s my goal this month.  Feed the family for $600.  That means no more $3 coffees from Starbucks.  And probably, no more wine.  Oh, man.  I like wine a lot.  Maybe I can squeeze one bottle a month into the budget.  We’ll fast for a day.  It’ll bring us closer to god, right?  Just kidding.  After a week or so, I probably won’t even notice that there’s no wine in the fridge.  It’s mostly just a habit, anyway.  Right?  Hopefully.    We are also looking at smaller houses in small towns north of Denver, but changing our eating habits is something I can do immediately to start saving money and living simpler.  I’ll let you know how it goes…

The beginning of simple.

The beginning of simple.

So, I’m a little crazy.  I know that.  And I’m fine with it.  It keeps life interesting.  I have a tendency to get these crazy ideas and put a lot of work into them, sometimes with little to no return.  But I’m okay with my craziness.  It’s just the way I figure life out.  I say this pretty often, but I think this idea is really good!  I’ve been thinking a lot about life and what’s important and what’s not important.  And here’s what I think…

I think that most of the things we spend time and money on are not important.  I think that most of us are suffering from an overload of stimulation.  We have this crazy drive to make the most of every second of our life but it’s too much.  We get so busy planning and executing our adventures that we don’t have time to enjoy them.  We don’t need to be busy every second of the day.  It’s okay to step to back and enjoy a sunny day or spend two hours talking about dinosaurs with your two year old.  The problem is that there are too many things to do and buy.  We have to have the latest clothes.  The latest sports equipment.  The best gym membership.  We have to go to concerts and take big, exciting vacations.  It used to be that people had one or two “things” or hobbies that they focused on.  Some people played guitar.  Some people liked to travel.  Some people were into fashion.  Some people played soccer.  Now, everyone feels like they have to do everything.  And I’m worse than any of you!  I like to knit, sew baby clothes, play guitar, workout, cook homemade meals, play soccer and hockey, go to self defense class, box, keep the house perfectly organized, take my son to the park and the library and the zoo and the museum, spend time with my sister and my mom.  And make time for concerts and nights out with friends.  That doesn’t even include work.  No wonder I’m exhausted all the time!

I need to simplify my life, decide what’s important to me and let everything else go.  I need to accept the fact that no matter organized and motivated I try to be, I just can’t do everything.  So instead of driving myself crazy trying, I am going to simplify.  I’m exiting the rat race.  I’m done!  Stuff doesn’t make me happy.  Money doesn’t make me happy.  What I need the most are people to love, time spent in nature, and a belief in something bigger than myself.

Recently I’ve been trying to make some career choices and I’ve been having a hard time figuring out what to do for money.  Part of the problem is that, in order to maintain our lifestyle, we have to make quite a bit of money.  And I don’t want to work in any of the jobs that pay that much money.  So instead of trying to earn more and more, why not just need less?  If I can make my life smaller so that I don’t need everything, maybe I can find a job I really enjoy and not be stressed if it doesn’t pay that well.  Maybe I can actually be happier with less.  Can I do that?  Is that allowed?  Yes, I have a degree in accounting and a law degree and I am licensed to practice law in Colorado, but do I have to?  Do I have to abandon my child for 50 hours a week and let him be raised by strangers so I can prove my worth to the rest of the upper-middle class?  Is it okay if I choose to be poor?  Are there other people out there with these same thoughts and ideas?